Random Thoughts

This appeared on Dec. 31, 2006

A few random thoughts while waiting for the first snow of the winter:

* I’m assuming that the good folks over at the Chester County Office of Voter Services haven’t found those missing votes in the 156th count off, but I think we all know who those ballots would have gone to, and why they went missing.

That’s right. Those had my name on them.

I will freely admit that my campaign for county commissioner didn’t go so well, sort of like Napolean’s invasion of Russia didn’t go so well. But in its final days, I could sense that my nascent ideas for a reformed Chester County had caught on with some members of the public, and that they were organizing to draft me for an even more important and influential post – that of a freshman state representative in the political Athens that is Harrisburg, Pa.

Of course, the powers that be would have none of that. They certainly recognized that once news leaked that there were voters willing to cast their ballots for me, a powerful groundswell could not be stopped to place me in some strategic governmental post – say, county Director of Weights and Measures or U.S. Passport Applications Clerk. And they couldn’t handle that.

So the votes went “missing” -- as in they’re hidden in somebody’s desk drawer in a file marked “Do Not Show To Press.”

I am certain that when the truth comes out, there will be hell to pay at the Government Services Building. But for now, I’ll just have to accept the fact that my quest for political office goes on.

*Given the penchant over at the West Chester Borough Municipal Building for putting up signs, I’m shocked that the Borough Council hasn’t held an emergency session to draft a request for multiple directional signs to be placed on the front lawn of the Chester County Courthouse.

After all, in allowing a menorah and a crèche to be erected at High and Market, the commissioners basically opened the front door and said, “Hey, everybody! Come on down! Put your cheesy markers all over our historic example of classic Greek architecture!” I would have thought the borough would have been first in line to put up a sign or two, either proclaiming the borough as the best place on Earth, or just a daily count of the number of new liquor licenses approved for Gay Street.

(Which of course begs the question as to when the borough is going to require all shopkeepers on Gay Street to obtain liquor licenses, whether they currently sell liquor or not. What the heck; we’re already got barbers dispensing beer, why not record store owners? Why not top off your purchase of a newspaper and a hot dog at Cugino’s with a shot of Jagermeister? But that’s a topic for another day.)

*I truly believe that writing a newspaper column for the Daily Local News is the best job on the planet, next to groundskeeper for a Major League baseball team. After all, where else would I have the opportunity to use the word “nascent” in a sentence?