Invasion of the Internet Barbies

This appeared Jan. 14, 2007

The Internet has given us many fine things. Access to valuable information on personal health, for example. The expense records of local politicians. Even the occasional eBay auction for human body parts.

Now it has given us one more diamond to add to our cultural jewel box: The Chester County Barbie.

If you’re in the loop, you’ve already gotten this mass chain e-mail in your Yahoo Inbox. It’s a purported announcement from the Mattel Corporation of the release of a “limited edition” set of Barbie dolls tied to specific communities in Chester County. (The release says there are Philly and New Jersey versions on the way for Christmas 2007, but I’m sure we won’t have to wait that long.)

The Chester County Barbies come in 10 versions. The Berwin Barbie. The West Chester Barbie. The Phoenixville Barbie. The Exton Barbie. You get the drift. Each has a description of what accessories come with the doll, and characteristics that are meant to – humorously, in the mind of the e-mail author -- link Barbie to that particular community.

The Downingtown Barbie, for example, comes with a Ford Windstar and a matching gym outfit. “She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation of secondary education,” we learn. West Chester Barbie comes with a choice of a BMW or a Hummer H2 and has her own Starbucks card and country club membership.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Some of the Barbie descriptions dive too quickly into the cesspool of clumsy stereotypes. (I’m not going to repeat those here; they’re all too sordid.) And you have to remember that none of this is real. The Mattel people are probably in the midst of a corporate PR meltdown over the matter right now.

But, frankly, I’m not interested in that. What I’m interested in is who started this, and the way in which the Internet helped CCB circle the globe in less time than it takes a Coatesville City Hall employee to turn in their resignation letter.

You see, I got my copy of the e-mail on Thursday. Or actually, my copies. First came a version from Constant Reader Jamie McVickar in West Vincent, who commented on the nature of the e-mail by addressing it: “Amazing.” Minutes later came a second version from former WCHE-AM news reporter Joan Pitt, now happily toiling away at a cushy job in Great Britain.

How had these two people come across the same e-mail from thousands of miles of separation? Simple. They passed it on from other sources, who had received the e-mail from other, other sources.

I’m not naïve enough to claim shock that “Chester County Barbie” can spin around the world in a matter of minutes. But this just struck me as odd. And wrong, too, in some vague, “has-it-all-come-to-this?” sort of way.

So I’d like to talk with the creator of Chester County Barbie. I’d like to know how he or she came up with the idea, and how he or she decided that Exton Barbie would be an “acid jeans and ’84 Firebird” dumb blonde and Phoenixville Barbie would be a hippie nicknamed “Willow.”

And I’d also like to ask CCB’s creator how West Chester Barbie could have “her own Starbucks cup,” when we all know that West Chester has no Starbucks.