Rellahan for Commissioner

This appeared on May 21, 2006



Now that the ground has stopped shaking and the sky has stopped raining frogs and the sun is back to rising in the east, it looks as though we are going to need a new minority commissioner.

For those of you who were out of the loop last week, the Big Gambler in Heaven rolled the dice on Election Day and came up Andy Dinniman. Not that it should have surprised anyone, because as I understand it, Andy went to all the homes in the 19th Senate District and promised every registered voter he would help clean out the garage, polish the silver or de-frag the computer - whatever - if they would just please, please, PLEASE vote for him.

So he's got his work cut out for him over the next couple weeks.

Meanwhile, someone has to take his seat at the boardroom table. And while I don't want to be too forward about it, I think I have the perfect choice.

Me.

Don't look that way. There are several very good reasons why I should be the next county commissioner, and if you would just stop laughing for a few minutes we could discuss them.

First, if the adage that 50 percent of the job is just showing up is true, I'm a natural. I only live a few blocks from the courthouse, I have a pass to go around the security monitors, I know where the elevators are, and I can find my way to the fifth floor. How many other people can say that?

Second, I know how to do the job. Over the years, I've seen lots of minority commissioners in action - Pat O'Donnell, Patty Baldwin, Andy - and I think I can put together a public face that blends a little bit of each. I can tell a good Irish story before voting "no" on everything but the reading of the minutes like Pat; be punctual and stay in the office in case someone has to answer the phones like Patty; and talk about the wonders of Chester County until everyone else in the room wants to throw up like, well, you know who.

As for a political platform, I've got that covered. I think readers of this column will know that I stand for, among other things, annexing Chadds Ford Township from Delaware County, building a public swimming pool within walking distance of my home on South Church Street, coming up with a suitable motto for West Chester (my new favorite: "Better Organic Lettuce Than Phoenixville"), and eliminating fake Cincinnati-style chili from local restaurant menus.

A little help from commissioners Carol and Don and I think we can get all those things accomplished in no time.

You might think there are people out there who have an edge over me because they've, oh, actually been active in Democratic Party politics over the years, but consider this: Not only do I know the president judge by her first name, but I've met her parents. Since the judges in the county make the pick, need I say more?

So I think if we just accept the notion that I'm The Man, we can wrap up this whole thing rather quickly.

Just one thing: I don't have to pose in all those photos with the Marching Band Parent of the Year, do I?