Change That Matters

This column originally appeared on Sunday, May 18, 2008

My friend Rich Henson, of the West Chester Hensons, once found himself pulling into a parking spot somewhere in Philadelphia without the benefit of the proper coins with which to feed the meter. Fearing what might happen if sufficient time wasn’t added to the meter, he breezed into a nearby retail store with a dollar bill in hand.

“Might I exchange this paper Washington for four silver Georges?” Mr. Henson inquired politely of the proprietor.

“Whadduz this look like, the four-quarters-for-a-dollar store?” the friendly owner rejoined. Mr. Henson, chastised, found other means of exchanging his funds.

I tell that story to make this point: If you are contemplating a trip into the Borough of West Chester from your pricey but cheaply constructed McMansion in Developmentland, it would be incumbent on you to make a quick trip to the bank and fill up your SUV’s change dish with 25-cent pieces. That simple step would lead to a better life all around for everyone.

Parking meters are central to our life here in West Chester. Check that. Parking in general, and all its accompanying systems, is central to our life here in West Chester. And we who have grown so accustomed to the Facts of Parking Life 101 take it as an affront that those of you coming here from outside the borough’s four corners are showing up unprepared for the obstacle course that is our parking code.

Hence the borough’s latest municipal motto: “West Chester: Bring Quarters.” (Signs to be posted shortly.)

You wouldn’t think of going on a vacation to France without learning how to say, “Can I have some Freedom Fries with that souffle?” in the native lingo, would you? You wouldn’t think of going to Philadelphia without $10,000 in cash to bribe a city official, would you? But yet you come to our town without the one thing that is most necessary to making your stay here run smoothly. For shame.

Waitresses at West Chester restaurants spend so much of their time filling requests to make change for dollars to feed the parking meters on Gay Street that they have been known to let the various attorneys, judges, police officers, courthouse tipstaffs, state Senate legislative aides and real estate brokers who actually pay their salaries wait overtime to get their meals served.

And we all know what happens anyway, don’t we? You, having gotten your four quarters for a dollar, return to your car only to be confronted with one of our sunny, smiling, effervescent parking enforcement officers cranking out a parking ticket because your meter had no time on it.

“But I just ran in to get change!” you explain. “Can’t you see I was just away a minute? I’m sure you can just let me slide this one time, can’t you?”

“Sure! When pigs get the vote!” comes the cheery response. “See you soon! In court!”

There are myriad tales of the disputes that arise over parking in West Chester, with equally rude and antagonistic charges on both sides of the meter: The meter-person who berates the quizzical senior citizen over some minor infraction; the blustering insurance salesman who demands the officer’s badge even though he was 30 minutes behind schedule. It’s the Mideast conflict, without Jimmy Carter.

So it is obvious why Barack Obama did as well as he did here in the recent presidential primary, his message of “bringing change” resonating so clearly with voters in the borough.

We just thought he meant loose coins.